Truth in the Days of Judgement
by Stormydee
Summary: Gibbs team reels from the loss of Jenny and come together to remember her, and to learn who she was and how she got to the top.  There is some discussion of death, sex and ops
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing- all charactors belong to NCIS and creators. I write for fun**

**A retake of the episode Judgement Day, Jenny took out all of the targets- including the woman. Her team copes with the inevitable and remembers a leader. A look at the past, probably a 2 shot**

As the day wore on the shock wore off. Reality settled heavily over the agency as they pushed on. Each person coping in their own way.

The death of a woman so controversial would resonate throughout the agency and the Navy. Jennifer Shepard had been good at a job that called for hits, hard decisions and leadership. Under the pressure she had excelled, silently raising the bar and building the reputation of NCIS. That act had been a battle that had often highlighted her own faults and mistakes.

But Jenny Shepard had been Navy by career, worked four years and made the Navy send her to college. Then she had come back in NCIS and worked her way from a probie to director.

She had worked with many people, taken assignments that had affected many lives. She had served her country with pride and loyalty. Yet the woman and mother had been in her even if she had spent her life hanging tough. Those around her knew the truth, the woman who truly cared for those under her, who had lived and fought hard.

Today they mourned, trying to accept the truth. Even though the truth was a past mistake had come back to bite hard. The truth was Jenny Shepard had gone down protecting and fighting. That would never be known by any other than one team. The agency would cover it up and all would be expected to live with that lie.

For the main team, the one that knew and may have given the past director the most grief, that was not enough. Each sought a way to cope, a peace they could not feel as they thought of their leader.

o0o

The case was closed, the work was done; now he had to face it. For once his paperwork was caught up and he did not want to leave; his boat held no pull.

She was still here, a thread of the woman he had known so well. The one he had loved, possibly the only one he had truly loved since Shannon, the one he had allowed to leave. He was not sure he could go to say goodbye.

He wanted to see her but he did not want to see her in Ducky's cooler, it was not how she would have wanted to be seen. But he knew her, and he knew the agency, her casket would be closed; no one was ever to see her again.

Slowly he hauled himself up from his desk, glancing towards the upper level. She had often stood there to watch the bull pen before disappearing into her office or off to MTAC. She was not there, Jenny Shepard would never be there again. Sadly he turned towards the elevator.

o0o

Silently he sat on the bench. This had been his meeting place when the director had put him on assignment and the intel was not appropriate for the office. They had met here , he had come here with Joan to; he had not been here for several months.

His mind was active, had been since he had entered that diner almost two days ago. Five bodies, four enemies and one friend. The look on Gibb's face as he looked at the other woman on the floor he knew something was wrong.

As time wore on he learned the truth, her first op; first assassination. She had not been able to face it and it had come back to take not only her but the entire team; Jenny had ended it. Two members of a team of three dead, the last member protected in Jenny's dieing moments; her boss and lover.

Tony felt his own guilt, just as he knew they all did. Then there was the loss and still there was curiosity. Director Jennifer Shepard had been the first female director, she had been reputed as a feared and respected agent, assassin and investigator.

The steps of her career though were not common record due to the nature of some ops; all were topics of great speculations. Yet there was more to her than her career, she was driven and compassionate. Succeeding in a male dominant career. But she was distant, seniority had dictated a respect level that made it difficult to ask how she had gotten there.

Still he worked with the one man who might know. He very much wanted to know. Tony reached for his phone and hesitated before dialling the familiar numbers.

o0o

Prepping his type writer he settled in to begin a new novel, one he was sure he could write and finish. A novel dedicated to a brave woman.

Free writing was how how started, he needed to do his research. There were many things he needed to learn for the back story of his main character.

He had heard the plan to cover how the director died. The plan was an accident, the most common cover up in the agencies. But not fair, that was not how a hero deserved to be honoured, not how she should be laid to rest.

Tim McGee planned to write the truth, though he would weave it into fiction; it would be in honour of Jenny Shepard. He would learn the back story of her career and twist it together with the final case.

'Judgement Day' was the title he picked, it held a truth in to many ways. As a woman who had lived bravely and honourable was being wiped away by those who should be telling of the life she had lived were fabricating a death.

His fingers tapped freely, suddenly interrupted by the shrill ringing of his phone.

o0o

She lay on her stomach, a stack of old notebooks in front of her. Notes and memories she was not supposed to have.

Yet today she was glad she did. Ziva was very sure that she no longer belonged to Mossad. She was happiest here in America and with NCIS.

Lifting the top half of the pile off she began flipping through. It had been more than six years. She had been with NCIS for just under three and had met Jenny in Cairo originally and worked a three month op before they parted ways. Almost a year later they met again in Portugal and crossed most of Europe tracking a terrorist cell.

Even though some of that time was off duty Mossad method was no trace, notes or photos survived after a op was finished. Yet that had been a rule Ziva had routinely broken; the background she kept had proved useful.

So had the connections she had made, over the years those connections had been pivotal in investigations since then. Those connections were more like friends, she had memories with each of those people. Some she was closer to than others.

She had been close to Jenny, they had spent a lot of time together, mainly travelling. They had worked Cairo and knew each other a little by the time they hooked up again; Europe had been more fun. She had gotten to know the NCIS agent well.

They had had good times, laughs and fun together. Driving through beautiful countryside and old cities they had taken some pictures. She had stored those photos with her notes on the ops and had not thought to look back at them until now.

When she needed to remember the woman who had pushed men out of the way with confidence and had not been afraid to get down and dirty. Finding the right book she smiled as tears welled in her eyes. The top photo was one of her and Jenny, she was relaxed across the back seat and Jenny flopped back half on top of her; holding the camera out to get the shot. They had teased then about how they were acting like teenagers.

Flipping through more memories flooded back, fun ones and scary ones; they had had each others backs in those times. Still there were periods before and after that she didn't know, but she did know something in Jenny's life had made her tough enough to take it all on.

Setting the photos on the bed she flipped through the notebook, finding a note Jen had left in the end; she had originally found it on the plane back to Israel when they parted. It had only been a few months later that she had started feeding intel to NCIS through Jenny. The day her job had been confirmed they had met again; Ziva had been hunting Ari.

Once Ari had been laid to rest Jen called again; offering her a chance to get out. To get away from her father and to have a better life. The director of NCIS had given her a way to be human, to stop killing and live a life. She had even bunked with her for a week until finding an apartment. Ziva was about to read through that note again when her phone rang.

o0o

She hadn't been able to stay, she had finished her work and left. Gibbs had kept her steadily supplied with caffeine and the buzz was finally wearing off; her heart was breaking. First Kate and now the Director, it was unfair. The women she worked with all died, she hated death.

When Kate had died she had almost quit, she didn't want to go through it again. Jenny had not be as close to her as Kate had but the Director was special. She knew she wasn't the only one hurting, Gibbs had to be too; she knew he loved her.

Finally Abby found her way to somewhere familiar, a place she had been many times before. She had been there after Kate died too, it was her secret. Stepping through the door she waved to the receptionist and chose a book from the shelf.

The director was classy but tough, she had to find something to suit. Kate it had been a flower, a black rose on her right hip. It was fitting, the rose was beautiful but dark, Kate had been beautiful but her life cut short by a dark death; it also spoke to the secret side of Kate.

For Jennifer Shepard it was something different. The director was her leader and in a way her mother; the way she and Gibbs argued it was like having parents. Jenny was like a cat, sleek and aloof yet protective and loyal. Maybe a long haired one. She could have it done on her other hip.

Impulsive as some of her tattoos were she treasured all of them and as she chose the design she knew this was one that would not change that tally. Her artist had just started the needle when her phone buzzed with a text; in four hours she had a meeting.

o0o

For a long time he had simply stood over her body, not quite able to bring himself to move her from the bag to the table. It was not right and yet he knew it was better; he was the only one who truly knew. IT was better that she went like this than died slowly, loosing her dignity and giving up her pride.

Still she had been his friend and he did not like the idea of violating her. He knew her cause of death, it was very obvious and yet an autopsy was necessary. Donald Mallard knew though that it needed to be done and for the sake of her memory no one else needed to see. With that in mind he had dismissed Mr Palmer early; deciding to do it himself.

He knew parts of it would be a challenge and he had been right but now in retrospect as he prepared to put her to rest he felt a little bit of peace. There were many people who had seen Jenny as a woman, an agent and a leader but they had only seen her; not known her. He had been granted that privilege and for that he was grateful.

Now as he pulled the sheet up over her head he only hoped that her team and those who she had helped would honour her memory. As he shut the cooler he felt sad, her friend was there and he was leaving. Slowly he gathered his things preparing to leave.

Finally he headed for the elevator, surprised to see it already on its way down. When the doors opened he saw his old friend; realizing he had better just keep going. Gibbs hurried past him, disappearing into autopsy.

As he stepped out of the agency his cell phone began to ring; he glanced down at the number. When he answered it he was surprised by the strain in his friend's voice but pleased by the strange question. Instead of heading his car for home he took a different route towards a apartment he knew well.

o0o

He stood in autopsy for a long time, he knew where she was and yet he could not quite bring himself to see her. When he stepped forward he managed to grip the handle and pull enough to disengage the latch; it took a deep breath to pull out the rack.

A white sheet was pulled over her, gently he reached out a hand, letting it rest gently on her head; smoothing it back. Finally able to grip the sheet in his hand he dragged it back. Bringing it down far enough to show the top of the y incision Ducky had made for his autopsy.

A sigh racked his body, had he not pulled it down so far she would have looked like she were sleeping. Folding it neatly over her he took in her features one last time. High cheek bones, contoured jaw; soft lips. Truths he knew, much deeper, things he could no longer see. Slowly he looked down, the harsh stitches giving a neat cut a jagged appearance, the an entry wound just below her shoulder.

Ducky had cleaned it up, the hole seemed so small, yet he knew the damage that had been inflicted; it had been the kill shot.

In the silence of the room he felt he was able to say good bye to her, she was at rest now. She no longer had to fight to prove herself, the rat race was over for her. She was at peace, and he had seen all those responsible for her death put on slabs.

It would be better when she was buried, she did not deserve to lie in the cooler with the occupants he and Mike had arranged for her to share it with. She deserved her flag, her medals; to be buried in her Navy dress. She had served her country before joining NCIS, it was one of the things few people knew.

There were lots of things about her only a few people knew, only a few people had cared to know. His phone beeped, Abby's name came up when he lifted it to his ear her request made him smile; there were a few who wanted to know more.

**Feedback please? Need to know if this one should stay alive. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the other half :) **

**Let me know what you think. **

She was cooking now, it had a settling effect on her; as did the friends gathered in her kitchen. Everyone had finally arrived, and found some alcohol. Tony was leaning against the end of her breakfast bar while Ducky, Abby and McGee took up residence on the stools. Gibbs was leaning in the corner of her kitchen, a little separated from the rest of the group. The only person not present was Palmer, he had been unreachable; the assumption seemed to be that his girlfriend was occupying him.

Every one of them so different and yet joined, by a job, by a passion; by a leader. In most ways Gibbs was their leader, leader of their team; at least officially. But she knew there were other things that kept them there, other people, connections and reasons.

All of them had lost one. She was glad they had come together tonight; it felt like a family. These were the people closest to family she had. The ones who were biologically related to her did not understand the meaning of the word. They would not understand this, the pain or the longing; to them death was as normal as life.

She knew that way of life, it had first led her to Jenny, who had taught her just how much more there could be; eventually leading her to these people. Tonight Ziva was making a special meal, one traditional to her first home but also a monumental meal in her relationship with Jenny Shepard. It was a story she intended to tell, but she was not sure she should start the memories.

Her memories picked up where Gibbs' left off, he had known her first; Ziva had met her after Jenny left him. Jenny had talked about him often; she had known plenty before she first walked into NCIS headquarters.

His stories would be those of the beginning of Jenny's NCIS career; he probably knew more about her Navy career to. Ziva had met her when she was on NCIS counter terrorism. Jen had made her prove herself, beyond her tactical skills; those were fond memories.

They had been camped out in a house in Cairo the first time, waiting for a contact to get back to them on a raid. The first night they received word it would be several days until conformation came; their orders were to wait.

It had been interesting, and fun. After spending her entire life living up to her father's expectations and working towards being a good agent and assassin. Girls nights, down time, and laughs were low on the list of projects. She had spent three days in a house with Jenny who believed in educating her in all those things; as well as love.

On a bet that she had no chance of being able to cook, it was a challenge she had not been able to resist. Although it had turned out so so, Jenny had ate it and laughed; she had been proud of her attempt. Ziva smiled at that thought; she had gotten better since then.

" Come eat." Ziva invited her friends, lifting the heavy pan from her stove top to the counter as everyone reached for plates. She noted Tony coming from down the hall, even now he could not help himself but snoop.

She watched as everyone filled their plates, it was reassuring to be together with the people she worked with; her family. Settling around the counter, stools filled and then at the ends; everyone seemed relaxed as they began to eat. Finally she grabbed her own plate and got some food.

" Hey Ziva, how'd you make this bread stuff?" Tony gestured to her with a mouth full of shishlik and a piece of challa .

" Its challa, Tony, it is like any other bread only it doesn't rise." Ziva told him, rolling her eyes at his antics.

" It is a traditional bread, at one time a staple in the diets of many people in the middle east. It is still popular today, though it is apparently a bit of trick though. It is easy to make by following the instructions but it must be cooked over an exact heat; adjusted part way through the baking. You grew up on this did you not Ziva? It is how you learned to cook it." Ducky put in, explaining the origin of the food.

" Actually, I did not learn how to cook it at home. I did grow up eating it but I did not often see it made; I did not really care at that time. I learned it later in life, after I butchered my first attempt."She grinned, as Tony shoved the entire piece in his mouth.

o0o

He rolled his eyes at DiNozzo's antics, Tony would never truly grow up; he was hiding his pain by goofing off. Tim he knew had started writing, it was his coping mechanism; just like Ducky's was to be around others.

Gibbs was fairly sure Abby was sporting some new ink he wasn't sure he wanted to see it. Ziva was cooking and watching the people she knew to be her family. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was watching his daughter grown up.

Ziva had had a hard start to life, but as much of trained agent she was there was a side of her that was still a little girl; looking for guidance. He knew that Jen had had a bigger impact in that side of her than she would ever admit. Jen had always had that affect on people; he had felt it too.

He would be that she had stories to tell, Jen had rarely talked about their time together. Yet Jen had said she owed Ziva her life for saving her hide more than once, they had also always seemed closer. Ziva had often called Jenny by either Jen or stiffly calling her Director.

He wanted to know about those times, Jen had been driven but friendly. The memories were all around them, he could feel them even as the team started to share.

He knew that everyone had different encounters with her. Tony admitted she was hot yet he knew that the younger agent's respect for her was unwavering. Gibbs had no doubt that Tim was still scared of her in a way, he associated fear with respect; he got the same reactions.

Ziva and Ducky had different encounters as they had worked with her as equals, as had he. For them it was much more than the loss of a boss; it was a friend they knew. A friend who had had their backs and encouraged them.

o0o

The meal ended much later and her friends lingered a little, McGee and Abby leaving first. Tony was next which surprised Ziva and Ducky followed shortly after. She sensed that Gibbs was waiting; she was slightly surprised that he had come.

Silently she cleaned up, putting dishes in the sink and cleaning up the counters. Over the years she had learned that Gibbs was a quiet man. If he was waiting than he had something to say, she could push him or wait for him.

If she pushed he might give up and leave, if she waited she would hear what he had to say. Yet she knew not to make it obvious, when he was still silent after she finished cleaning her kitchen she reached for the coffee pot.

Pouring one Ziva handed it to him before pouring one for herself. Gesturing for him to follow her she went to her couch and settled into the end. She knew now that what was on his mind was important, it was getting harder to wait.

She watched him take a long drink, blue eyes studied her; there was a desperation there she had never seen before. "You have memories with her, of her that are personal. I know that, I respect that. I..."

He trailed off, Ziva sighed; he was missing her. Nodding she stood, she saw the confusion in his eyes as she left the room; grabbing the box still on her bed.

Returning to the couch she lifted the photos off the top and handed them to him. Some would not interest him but Jen was in all of them. She lifted the notebook off the top and tucked it in the bottom; Jenny's note to her was private and he could not read the notebooks.

Ziva watched him flip slowly through the photos, he hesitated on one of the first ones taken in Cairo. She knew why but also knew there was another he would like better; it was only of Jen and it earned a smile.

" She was different to you wasn't she?" There was a softness in his voice that scared her. Gibbs was voice was never soft; he was never vulnerable.

" Yes, she was. Jen was never truly Director to me as she was to most. We have memories that made that impossible. Do not misunderstand, I have always understood my position and hers and respected her but"

" I know, I know Ziva. I did not mean that, at least not like that." He was shaking his head, she knew he was feeling raw. " Please tell me about the time you spent with her?"

" It was new to me. Jen was special; different. She was as much a friend as a partner pretty much from the day I met her.

We met up first for a single operation on anti terrorism. Originally it was a joint hit, it was incidental but it was actually fun. Jenny was good and she was serious when we were working, I trusted her to have my back.

But after was fun, I had a friend who was an agent but was also human. That was not something people learned with Mossad. We learned to kill, to be heartless and to be effective. We didn't learn to care and we weren't supposed to need to be able to cope with it; we were just killers. The thing is she knew more than that and she shared that with me.

Jen gave me that first taste of humanity; maybe the only real demonstration of true humanity. Then we worked more together, all over Europe and I started wanting to escape. We parted and then for two years we stayed in touch off and on; mostly using each others connections.

Then she was promoted to Director in the middle of an op; your directer decided to leave rather quickly. We were in communications and I had two missions to complete and then several assassinations to take care of after that. I was working for a cleaner for the main team. She knew I didn't want that so after I mourned my brother she made me an offer.

It did not please my father but it did feed his guilty pleasure; not that that meant he would help me. I came to America by myself, my only contact was with connections for your cases. He tried to use the position but I didn't let him; I couldn't.

He abandoned me again and it was Jen who was there to help. I stayed with her until I found a place, she actually helped me find a place. We did become more distant after starting here but we kept up; it was hard at first for me to adjust.

My father never trained me for working with a team, needing people or caring for people. I came almost straight off an op. Desk work, slow work and questionings was a hard adjustment to make." Ziva sighed, there was so much she could say and almost should say but she wanted to hear his stories too; he had been her partner for almost six years.

" What happened in Cairo? She always said you saved her life but never more than that. How many times did you have her back?" His voice was still soft, she noticed he had a picture of Jen on the top of the pile, it was taken on their trek across Europe; they had bedded down in some ruins and Jen had practically passed out and Ziva hadn't been able to resist taking it.

"I had her back as many times as she had mine, Cairo was just close; I almost lost her there. We were out numbered and poorly informed by a double sided contact; sent in to a trap.

She took lead and then when we realized we pulled out and took high ground to take them; Jen had a near miss. When we got back and up we actually did enough damage to move in. Jen had a sore shoulder after." Ziva answered softly, not the memories she wanted to fully explain that op; it had been embarrassing.

" She was a good agent, she liked a good fight. A good Navy Officer too, that was a long time ago though." Gibbs nodded.

" She didn't like it though, after her father died there were to many memories. She made them send her to college though for her service." Ziva grinned, Jenny had been proud of four years of service followed by college on the Navy's dime.

" Yea she did, she was proud of getting her criminology in four years. Started at NCIS as soon she was done. For a probie she was tough, learned fast too. You know I never actually thought she would want the Director's job. Jen liked action, she would get frustrated if she was desked to much even as an agent. She was good at the black ops." Gibbs finally cracked a smile.

" No, they took their toll on her. Killing didn't come naturally to her; it hurt her for a long time. Jenny just didn't let it show; especially not when she was working with men. She was good though, especially at getting people to talk to her. Jen cared about people, a lot.

Gibbs I know she really cared for you. She came right off her op with you to meet me in Israel to get our first target. After we spent a night together in a hotel before making the drive back; we talked a lot that night.

I know she regretted her choice in leaving but she felt her actions and decisions had jeopardized her integrity as your partner; no matter how much she loved being with you. She regretted not trying to find a way to stay with you but even now it can be hard for women at NCIS.

I see it but I do not feel it as I have grown up with it. Being surrounded by men and having to prove myself, trying not to be the weak link; she felt the same things. She was proud to fight, to be as tough as the men and there was no way she would let go of that." Suddenly she pulled back, unintentionally she had reached for his hand;Gibbs was not one to respond to contact.

He was silent for a long moment. Ziva folded her hands in her lap,surprised at her own reaction. He reached out for her.

For a moment Ziva was shocked as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her.

"I wish she had stayed. I should've gone after her." Ziva was astonished as the man broke, his arms tightening harshly around her. Gently she rubbed his shoulder; he had every right to let this out.

She had been with the team long enough to know Gibbs usually dealt with things by bottling them inside. Until he went home to his bourbon and the boat he was constantly working on. It was not fair, but pain had made him afraid to reach out; she would not shut him down when he did.

" She was a good friend. A good friend." She mumbled into his shoulder, feeling Gibbs trembling as he fought his own internal battle.

o0o

He felt his emotions crashing over his walls. Years ago he had taught himself control, he got angry but he could deal with it; he could handle physical pain just fine. He had handled losing people before, women too but he had known none of them as well or as long as he had known Jenny.

Jenny was his friend, partner and lover. She was a woman who was driven, strong and smart. In so many ways though she had been deprived. Jen had only known work, she had feared certain types of commitment; it was why she ran.

Jen hadn't known what it could be like to be with someone who wasn't using her body, someone who truly cared about her. She hadn't got to be a mother, or have a true family; he knew what that was like. He had lost it, he had almost reached out to take hold of it again; with Jenny. It was a regret he was going to live the rest of his life with.

Yet now he was holding onto someone she had touched; he could hear it in her voice. She admitted Jen was more than a boss to her; more than a friend. Jen had always had a soft side and Ziva had been her pet project; he had guessed that when he first met the woman.

Ziva was everything Jen aimed to be, but she had built herself to be an agent as an adult; before she had known life. Ziva had spent her entire life as an agent; she had known nothing else. He had a feeling that had been a wake up call for Jen, given her a distraction that he couldn't.

The Israeli was mourning a very key member of her family; her true family. He felt sobs begin to rack the young woman's body, he realized just how much her work was her life; her coworkers her family. When she was scared she had come to him, when she succeeded she looked to him for approval.

She did not speak to her own father any more, she had given up her native country; accepted a new culture. She had reached out, Jen's arms had been open; her memories now held hope.

Her life,on and off the job, held a lesson. A lesson that had she lived any other way, made any different choices he would not be learning. He would not have sought out Ziva, not considered what it was that he had received.

In a way, he had a chance to be the father to a daughter; one after his own heart. Had he got the woman he wanted, had his first family lived; this would not have presented. Slowly he relaxed his arms, shifting away from Ziva and pulling her over; letting her lean on him.

He could honour Jenny and respect the agency by continuing her legacy. He could lead his team, but he could show a young woman what is was to have a family; both tough and gentle love.

He could remember her as a strong agent, a beautiful smart woman and an honest person. She had been successful, she had lived a full life; she had shaken NCIS. In forty years that was a life to be proud of, it had been cut short but she had died as she lived; bravely honouring and protecting her country, friends and family.

**End**


End file.
